When does the first day stop!

 Dustin. Here it is almost Christmas again and you are still not here. As much as I wished and I prayed that it was not you God choose last year I know in my heart it is really true.

It hurts as if was the first day I got the news my baby boy was killed. And that you were not just gone for awhile but in Heaven to stay..

I have tried so hard this year to be strong as you would want but the pain is deeper than any one can imagine nothing you ever said or taught me has yet reached my heart in how to handle this. Like you I can act like all is okay when truly in my heart it is not. You get so tired of people asking you how are you, are you okay when NO I am not okay and nothing will be okay again, maybe different but not okay.. There will always be that missing piece of my heart not matter what anyone says or how much time passes.  There is no one or no words that can fill that emptiness I feel in my heart or brain as you would say.  This is one of those times I wish that part of my brain was not functioning so well. It sure was easier telling you how to handle such things than trying to handle them myself. Yes there are books, and counseling and other moms and people trying to say the right things to get through the loss of a child and yes some does help. But the emptiness still there. I remember daily how positive you always were and always smiling and even through the tough times you came through sometimes a little help from momma but you also had pain that not many could see. That I saw in your eyes and did not know how to fix it. I remember the day you were born and so many days in the 25 yrs I was blessed to have you  here on earth..  I know your pain has all turned to joy and peace now that you are in Heaven and that is an awesome feeling I am sure. And for that I am thankful you’re safe and happy.. But I will never stop wishing you were back here and walking though the door with that big smile on your face. I love and miss you more than words can say. Mother

Please, don't ask me if I'm over it yet

I'll never be over it

Please, don't tell me he is in a better place

He isn't here with me

Please, don't say at least he isn't suffering

I haven't come to terms why he had to suffer at all

Please, don't tell me you know how I feel unless you have lost a child

Please, don't ask me if I feel better

Bereavement isn't a condition that clears up

Please, don't tell me a tleast you had him for so many years

What year would you choose for your child to die?

Please, don't tell me God never gives us more than we can bare

Please, just tell me you are sorry

Please, just say you remember my child, if you do

Please. just let me talk about my child

Please, mention my child's name

Please, just let me cry

Life is a miracle  don't let it slip away,

Open your heart to others give of yourself each day.

See the beauty in everyone regardless of where they've been, Some have a difficult journey and really need a friend. Share your gifts and talents listen with your heart.

Do the things you dream about  but don't have time to start. Pick a bouquet of flowers show someone that you care, Be gracious and forgiving  life is never fair.

Hold on to your courage   you may need it down the road,

We all have a cross to bear it could be a heavy load.

If you practice all these things no matter where you roam, You may find both sun and rain but you'll never feel alone!

Author Unknown

My Heart has been broken,

My life has been changed,

living without you

just isn't the same.

I don't know how to live,

for you were my life,

Being in this world without you

just isn't right.

The day you left me my heart broke into,

apart of my soul went to Heaven,

to be with you.

Time can't heal the pain,

the tears will never stop,

I'll never be the same,

Until I see your smile,

where we never have to part.